I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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