hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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