im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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