I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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