I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
