How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
