I CAN MOONWALK!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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