she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
