Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
home. puking in laundry basket.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
