so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
