when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
