the day after is always just damage control
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
