Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
