somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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