i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
