She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
