I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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