My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
