Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
