Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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