well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
