I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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