If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
