you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
