the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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