I think my fart just growled at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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