I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
