Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
