margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
