OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
