I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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