people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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