we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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