I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
