spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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