I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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