she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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