She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
