I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
