Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
