I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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