i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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