I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
