Swine flu. Run for my life!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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