I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
