I puked a lego.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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