it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she smelled like a LAN party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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