my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
