Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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