Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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