Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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