I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
