Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
