Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
